


The God Complex

by poky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, but cas is even worse, but who's counting, i mean he does try to kill a bunch of people, in spn god may be meh at being god, like thousands, so basically god!cas is a warning in itself i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 14:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16088339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poky/pseuds/poky
Summary: Castiel is good at many things, but being God is not one of them. And you're the only one who can convince him of that, before it's too late.





	1. Playing God

The lake was still, quiet. Peaceful. The only ripples came from the three geese that swam near the middle, their heads occasionally disappearing underwater as they searched for food. The serene environment was something you needed after what happened in Crowley’s lab. Despite the best efforts of you, the Winchesters, and Bobby, Castiel had taken the souls from Purgatory to defeat Raphael.

But the power of all the souls that Cas had absorbed… it had changed him. He believed he was now God, and had been systematically ‘cleansing’ the world. Castiel had made a horrible decision, and it seems he didn’t even have to pay for it. Instead, he got to play God and toss you and the Winchesters aside as if you had never mattered at all.

You just wanted the old Castiel back. You wanted the oblivious, endearing angel that you had come to know and love. You wanted the caring, concerned angel that would sit up with you when you had nightmares and talk with you about anything and everything. You wanted the cautious, unsure angel that admitted he cared about you more than someone who was just a friend should. You wanted the flustered, blushing angel who couldn’t form a full sentence after you had kissed him for the first time.

But that Cas was gone, and you didn’t know if he’d ever be back. You sighed, eyes vacant as you stared across the calm lake and wished that God - the real God, not Cas - would return and put an end to all this madness. Not that you had your hopes up. Castiel had already searched for God before and came up with nothing. Why would he show up now?

You sensed Castiel’s presence before you saw him, the characteristic sound of flapping wings following him despite his ascension to ‘God’.

“I heard your thoughts about me.” His voice was familiar, and his face was the same, but those were the only similarities between your Cas and this… being.

“Hello, Cas,” You said quietly. You refused to call him God, because to you, Castiel was not God, and there was a part of you that hoped that by calling him by his true name, maybe he’d return to who he once was.

“You don’t think me worthy of being God?” Castiel asked. You didn’t feel a need to respond - he knew your view on his new position already. “You lack belief in me.”

Finally, _finally_ , you looked over at him - his wardrobe, at the very least, hadn’t changed. “That’s not it. I believe in God, Cas.”

Castiel finished your thought. “You just don’t believe in me as God.”

“Yes.” You glanced back out at the lake, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in your throat.

“Why?”

You were surprised by the question. “Why? Because you’re an angel, Cas, and angels were never meant to play God! You may have the power of God, but you’re not him! You get your power from the souls of monsters from Purgatory. Sooner or later that’s going to backfire, and I don’t want to be around to see it.”

You stood, fully prepared to walk away, however Castiel’s voice stopped you, his tone gentler than before. “Y/N, wait.”

“What is it, Cas?” Hope flared in your chest.

“I’m not so different from before. We could still be together. I still love you,” He said softly. “Please, don’t walk away. We could rule together.”

“No, Cas, we couldn’t,” You said softly. “You don’t understand. I don’t want to rule, Cas, I just want you back. And as you keep reminding me, you’re no longer Cas. You’re God. And what could God possibly want with me?”

“Y/N,” He warned, “don’t do something you’ll regret later. Because you will regret walking away from me.”

You could feel your nerve steeling - this had to be done. The being that stood in front of you wasn’t Cas anymore, you knew that now. “No, I won’t, because you’re not Cas. You’re God.”

You didn’t stop as he called your name, despite your yearning to. You kept walking, putting one foot in front of the other, until you were sure that he was gone. You turned back towards the now-empty lakeside, and you couldn’t stop the tears that fell. Not because you regretted refusing Castiel’s - God’s - offer, but because you knew that your Cas was gone. And no matter how much you wished it, he wasn’t coming back.


	2. Judgement Day

It had been a little over a week since you had spoken with Cas - or God, you should say. Both Dean and Sam could sense that something had happened, but they were kind enough not to say anything. Bobby was the one who approached you about it, after you decided to stay home when the boys had to leave for a hunt that didn’t appear to be Cas-related.

“You want to tell me what happened, kid?” Bobby asked, handing you a beer. You glanced at him as he cracked open his own and sat down across from you.

You took a sip of the cool liquid. “What are you talking about?”

“I may be old, but I’m not stupid, and I know something’s been bothering you,” He said. “With the boys out, I figured this would be a good a time as any to talk. So spill.”

“I saw Cas last week,” You admitted, staring down at the floor.

“You _what_?!”

“I went out for a while, to clear my head,” You explained. “I didn’t pray for him, but he came anyways. He said that we could still be together, that he still loved me. He wanted us to rule together, Bobby.” You glanced up at the older hunter, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes.

“And you said no,” Bobby finished. You nodded. “Don’t beat yourself up over this, Y/N. Like it or not, you did the right thing. Cas is beyond our help now.”

“I know. But it still hurts. And a part of me wishes I had said yes and gone with him,” You said softly. “I just miss him so much, Bobby.”

“I know, kid.” He squeezed your shoulder. “I know.”

Letting out a breath, you took a long drink of your beer. You felt a little lighter now that you had gotten that off your chest. “You think I should join Sam and Dean?”

“Probably. Who knows what trouble they’ll get into in Vegas without you,” Bobby chuckled. “Besides, it’ll be good for you to get out, have a bit of normalcy.”

You nodded. “You’re right. But am I the only one that thinks it’s concerning that killing monsters is my version of normalcy?”

Bobby agreed, an amused smile on his face. “You and me both, kid. You and me both.”

* * *

You were halfway through the drive to Vegas when Dean called. It wasn’t completely unusual for one of the boys to check in when they were out on hunts - and you had texted that you were heading their way - but there was something sour in the pit of your stomach that said this call wasn’t just to check in. Something was wrong.

“Y/N, we got a problem.” Those were Dean’s first words once you picked up, and you were starting to wish you didn’t have such good intuition, even if it had saved your life on a hunt more than once. “Where are you?”

“Just about halfway,” You said. “I can make it over today, but I’d be pushing it. What’s up?”

“Well, you know how we thought we were just hunting down some demons?” Dean asked. You made a noise of confirmation and he continued. “I wish it was that. We’ve got bigger problems here. It’s Cas.”

“What’s Cas doing in Las Vegas, of all places?” You asked, confused.

There was a pause before Dean replied. “Yeah, that’s the thing. Apparently, _God_ isn’t very happy with what’s going on in this place, and thinks it’s his job to set it right.”

“No,” You murmured, a sinking feeling in your chest.

“Oh, yes. Cas is going to level the city,” He said gravely. “Like it or not, it’s judgment day. And I have no idea how we’re going to stop him.”

“How long do we have?”

“I’d say a day. Maybe less? The natural disturbances are what brought us out here, and Cas practically cornered us the second we showed up. Said he’d let us live as long as we didn’t intervene,” Dean explained. “I’ve got no idea what the hell we’re supposed to do. We can’t kill him, can’t change his mind… things are looking bad. We could have a Sodom and Gomorrah throwback by noon tomorrow.”

“We’re not going to let Cas destroy the city, Dean. I think I know how to stop him.” Yes, things were bad, but you knew of one thing, and one thing only, that could possibly stop Cas.  

You.

* * *

You managed to cram the remaining ten hours you had left in your trip into seven at the expense of sleep, your stomach, and your bladder. Dean and Sam looked relieved when you arrived, sitting down to finally hear your plan once you had used the restroom and grabbed a bag of potato chips.

“So, let’s hear it,” Dean prompted.

Sam nodded. “What’s your plan?”

“Well, Dean, you were right about one thing - we can’t kill Cas. And, like it or not, I don’t think we’d be able to go through with it, if it came down to it. But you were wrong by saying that we can’t change his mind.”

“Well, we can’t,” Dean said.

“ _You_ can’t,” You emphasized. “But I can. I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Sam’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Cas visited me last week,” You divulged. “He said that he still loved me, and that he wanted us to rule together. I said no.”

“Okay…” The older Winchester said slowly. “What does that have to do with anything? He probably hates you now because you said no.”

“Cas doesn’t hate her,” Sam said. “He never could. He may think he’s God, but deep down, Cas is still Cas, and if there’s one person he would never harm, it’s Y/N.”

“I could talk him down. It’s our best shot - it’s not like we’ve got any other options. It’s either this, or thousands of people die. We all know which one we’re going to pick,” You said softly.

Dean let out a heavy sigh, running a hand down his face. “You’re right. But we’re coming with you.”

“He may kill you, Dean,” You protested.

He shook his head. “No he won’t. Like Sam said, deep down, Cas is still Cas. We gotta believe that.”

“Guys,” Sam said, unmuting the TV. The news was playing, a reporter describing a massive funnel cloud that was forming right above the heart of the city. “It’s starting.”

* * *

Considering everyone was fleeing the city, it wasn’t difficult for the three of you to reach the site of the cloud. The wind was strong, and dust had kicked up, but the massive funnel hadn’t touched the ground yet, and you could barely make out the figure of Cas in the middle of all the wind.

“There he is,” Dean said, pointing towards Castiel. “This better work.”

You let out a breath before speaking, sounding more confident than you felt. “It will.”

“Be careful,” Sam warned, squeezing your shoulder.

You nodded as Dean did the same. “Good luck. We’ll be here.”

“You should fall back some, the wind is only going to get worse,” You said. “I’ll be fine.”

“She’s right,” Sam said. “We have to go, Dean!”

“Alright, alright,” Dean responded, giving you a nod as the three of you parted ways. You battled your way through the fierce wind towards Cas as the brothers retreated to a safe distance.

“Cas!” You yelled, your voice immediately snatched away by the wind. The dust stung your face and you took a ragged breath and fought to get closer. “Cas!”

The wind faltered slightly and you saw him turn towards you, staring for a long moment before stretching out a hand in a silent invitation to approach. The wind around you died, allowing you to step forward towards him. So far, so good. “Y/N!” Castiel said over the wind as you took his hand. “What are you doing here?”

There was no point in lying. “I’m here to ask you to stop, Cas. To stop this, to stop all of it.”

“You know I can’t do that,” He said. “Humans must learn a lesson in obedience.”

“And leveling an entire city is the way to teach that lesson?” You asked. “They won’t understand, Cas, they’ll just be scared. They’ll blame the death on you, and I know that’s not what you want.”

“I just want them to love me as their God,” He said, so low you barely caught it.

“You don’t need them to love you, Cas,” You said, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “I love you, isn’t that enough?”

“You deserted me, told me that you didn’t want me as I am now!” He said. You could see the hurt in his eyes.

“I lied.” There was a pause, and he seemed to sense that your words rang true. “I lied, and it’s the worst decision I ever made, because in spite of everything, I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. I’m so, so sorry, Cas.”

“I forgive you,” Castiel said, pulling you into an embrace. “You’ll come with me? Rule by my side?”

“Of course,” You said. At least then, you’d be able to keep an eye on him - but you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t a large part of you that wanted to go regardless. “So you’ll stop this, all of this, if I come with you?”

His blue eyes gave you a long, piercing look. “Your love is true, and your intentions are… honorable. So yes, I will.”

The wind died down immediately, the funnel cloud disappearing from the sky. You could see Dean and Sam’s figures in the distance as they sprinted closer. “Can I say goodbye to them?”

Cas hesitated. “Yes.”

“Y/N!” Dean panted, the two brothers slowing to a stop as they arrived. “You did it! Thank- uh, never mind.”

Sam snorted, giving Castiel an awkward nod. “Well done.”

“Y/N,” Cas prompted. You could see he was growing impatient.

“Can I talk to you two for a moment? Alone?” You asked, grabbing the two Winchesters by their arms and pulling them several feet away. “I said I’d go with him.”

“You what?” Dean asked, looking incredulous.

Sam looked about as thrilled as his brother did. “What? Why?”

“He promised to stop this insanity if I agreed to come with him. It was the only way,” You said, glancing back towards Castiel. The former angel gave you a look that plainly read ‘hurry up’. “Look, I’ll be okay. It’s still Cas - I’m probably safer with him anyways. I’ll do my best to stay in touch, but at the very least I’ll have some sort of influence on what he does.”

“She’s right, Dean,” Sam said. “Until we figure out how to get our Cas back, this is the best course of action we have.”

Dean gave a reluctant nod. “Fine. But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about this.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to be,” You said. “Just try to stay out of trouble, alright?”

“Us? Never,” The older Winchester chuckled, pulling you into a hug. “Same goes for you, alright?”

“I’ll try.” You pulled away from Dean to give Sam a hug.

“Don’t be a stranger,” He said, smiling sadly at you as you stepped back.

“I doubt this is the last we’ll see of each other,” You said. “Tell Bobby I said to keep the two of you in line while I’m gone, got it?”

“Y/N!” Castiel called.

“We will,” Sam chuckled, the two of them waving as you began to walk away.

You walked backwards towards Cas, saluting the two of them. “See you later, boys.”

“See you later,” Dean said, tucking his hands in his pockets.

“Ready?” Castiel asked as you neared his side.

You took a steadying breath before slipping your hand in his. “Yes,” You said, feeling a pang of sadness as the Winchesters, and the rest of the world, disappeared.

“Don’t be upset,” Castiel told you. He had brought the two of you to a sunny meadow, where the green grass was dotted with colorful flowers. “We’re together again. This is a good thing.”

You looked down at your entwined hands, doing a double take as you noticed something that looked suspiciously like a burn on his hand. “Cas, what’s that?”

“What’s what?” He followed your gaze. “Oh, that. It’s… nothing.”

“Cas,” You said firmly. “That’s not nothing.”

His jaw clenched. “I’m handling it, Y/N. It’s none of your concern.”

“I’m just worried, that’s all.” You decided not to push your luck, but you knew one thing was certain - you would likely be seeing the boys sooner than you had originally thought. The souls of Purgatory had given Cas the power of God, but clearly his vessel wasn’t fairing so well as a result. So either Castiel’s vessel was disintegrating from the sheer power of all those souls, or something else wanted out. And neither of those options were good.


	3. Penance

You felt guilty. Not because you had gone with Cas, but because you didn’t regret it. God or not, your feelings for Castiel hadn’t changed, and you realized that with you he wasn’t quite as vengeful as before. Castiel had taken you to heaven to stay with him, which was odd, to say the least. You knew better than to stray very far - it was doubtful that encounters with any of the other angels would go over well.

They were all angry at Cas for killing many of their brothers and sisters, and you didn’t blame them. “Y/N,” Cas said, his voice rousing you out of your thoughts. “I’m going down to Earth, would you like to come with me?”

“Sure,” You said, taking his outstretched hand. It was clear that the power of all the souls from Purgatory were taking their toll on Cas - his vessel couldn’t handle that amount of power, and it was burning up from the outside in just as Lucifer’s had done. You knew better than to say anything, though.

“I have something to take care of,” He said after teleporting the two of you to Earth. You had to lean on him for support for a moment - no matter how many times you did it, angel teleportation continued to be fairly nauseating. “Will you be alright on your own?”

“Yeah, Cas, I’ll be fine,” You assured him, squeezing his arm. “I’ll just visit a few shops on this main street, grab a bite to eat. What is it you’re doing?”

“Delivering justice. I’ll be back later, just pray to me if you need anything,” He told you. You opened your mouth to ask him if it was truly necessary, but he was gone before the words had even formed.

You let out a sigh and shook your head. Usually, as you had quickly learned, Cas would tell you what he was up to - it almost seemed like he had been lonely without anyone to talk to. He was acting a little odder than usual today, but there wasn’t much you could do to stop him.

Pulling your phone out of your pocket, you entered a local diner to get lunch and call the Winchesters. Dean picked up on the second ring. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you?” You asked, taking a sip of your water.

“About as well as can be expected. Didn’t think Cas would let you call,” He said.

You snorted. “He doesn’t know. I don’t know where he is right now, he just dropped me on Earth, said there was something he had to do, and disappeared again. I mean, even for him, that’s weird.”

“He’s treating you alright, then? You’re safe, doing okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” You assured him. “God or not, Cas still loves me, and I highly doubt he’d do anything to hurt me.”

“Good,” He said. There was a beat of silence. “I’m worried about Sam.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” You asked, concerned.

“He doesn’t have the wall anymore. I think he’s, I dunno, hallucinating or something, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

You frowned. “Well, you can’t force him. Just make sure he knows you’re there for him, you know? Sam will appreciate that regardless.”

The waitress delivered your food as Dean responded. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Thanks,” You said to the waitress before returning to your conversation. “In more Cas-related news, I don’t think his vessel is going to be able to hold all of Purgatory’s souls for much longer. He’s covered in burns - remember how Lucifer was when he was in his original vessel? Just like that.”

“We should have known that would backfire. I can pray to him, try and reason with him if you’d like,” Dean offered. “Maybe see if Sam will do the same. I mean, you may be his girlfriend or whatever, but we’re his best friends.”

“It’s worth a shot,” You said with a nod, mouth full before you swallowed your bit of food. “We’re kinda running out of options here, so I say go for it. He won’t kill you for praying to him.”

“He better not,” Dean groused. “You said you’re able to reason with him?”

“For the most part, yeah. Sometimes there’s no changing his mind, though. Like that pastor he struck down.”

He sighed from across the line. “It’s better than nothing. Look, I have to go, so just call again when you can, okay?”

“Will do. Tell Sam and Bobby hi for me, would you?” You requested.

“Sure. Be careful,” Dean said.

You smiled briefly. “I’ll try. Same goes for you. Talk to you later, Dean.”

“Bye.” The line went dead when he hung up, and you slipped your phone back into your pocked before continuing to eat. Once you finished, you placed a twenty on the table before leaving with the intent of going to the library. But you were yanked into an alley before you could reach the building, and you were shocked to see Cas, weak and covered in blood.

“What happened?” You asked, horrified. He staggered, and you looped an arm under his shoulder to keep him upright. “Cas?”

“Winchesters,” He said. “We’re going to see them. This has to end.”

Castiel teleported the two of you before you were able to respond, appearing in Bobby’s dining area. You managed to keep your balance this time, albeit barely, and Cas swayed lightly where he stood. The two brothers stared in shock at your sudden appearance. “Sam,” Cas said.

Sam started to stand. “Cas.”

“I heard your call,” Castiel said, before grunting and nearly falling over. You were the only thing that prevented it, taking on most of his weight with a grimace. “I need help.”

* * *

The Winchesters and Bobby took you and Cas back to Crowley’s workshop. Sam was crouched by Castiel, listening to his instructions. “We need the right blood. There’s a small jar - end of the hall, s-supply closet.”

Dean pulled you aside, talking in a low voice. “You alright?”

“Fine,” You murmured back. “I’m more concerned about him.”

“It’s the leviathans that are affecting him, Death told us about them,” He said. “We’ll get the ingredients, just keep an eye on Cas. Make sure he stays calm.”

You nodded, returning to take a seat beside Cas. He looked over at you, face haggard and covered in blood. “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” You asked softly.

“Come with me. I realize now, looking back, how bad the things I did were. So why did you come with me?”

“Because I knew that if I was around, you’d probably back down some,” You explained. “And because I love you, Cas. No matter what you’ve done.”

He gave a slight, pained smile, and reached out to squeeze your hand. “Thank you. I want you to know that even when I believed I was God… my love for you, it still remained. And I- it still does. I’m so sorry for all that has happened.”

“I forgive you, Cas. But I’m not the only one you have to apologize to,” You murmured, nodding towards Dean.

“I know,” He said quietly, his fingers still tangled with yours as he looked over at the older Winchester brother. “Dean?”

Dean turned towards him. “What, you need something else?”

“No. I-I feel regret, about you, about Y/N, and what I did to Sam.”

“Yeah, well you should,” Dean snapped, moving several pieces of equipment.

“If there was time, if I was strong enough, I’d- I’d fix him now,” Cas said. “I just wanted to make amends before I die.”

You bit your lip, refusing to let yourself cry. You always knew it would end like this - why were you hoping for any other outcome? “Okay.” Dean’s voice drew you back to reality.

“Is it working?” Cas asked.

Dean’s brow raised. “Does it make you feel better?”

“No.” There was a pause. “You?”

“Not a bit,” Dean said, shoving a cabinet away.

Cas let out a sigh that sounded closer to a quiet sob, and you squeezed his hand. “Give him time,” You murmured. “He’s still angry about you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”

“It certainly feels that way,” He murmured. “But I deserve that.”

“No you don’t, Cas. Especially if you’re truly sorry. You are, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” He rested your head on your shoulder as Bobby passed, patting his shoulder.

“Hang in there,” Bobby said. “Just a couple of minutes.”

You continued speaking quietly to Cas, reassuring him and making sure he stayed awake long enough for the Winchesters and Bobby to finish preparing the ritual.

“I’ve just got to paint the symbol,” Dean told you, passing with a jar of blood and a handkerchief. “Then it’s go time.”

Several minutes passed. “That’s good enough,” Bobby said, bending down to help you hoist Castiel to his feet. “Okay, step right up, Cas.” The two of you had to leave him standing in front of the symbol - this was something Cas had to go through alone.

Bobby started chanting the spell. Cas collapsed partway through, and you and Dean both darted forward to pull him back to an unsteady stand. “Just a little while Cas,” You murmured in his ear. “You can do it. I love you.”

You weren’t sure if the words even registered in his brain, and Dean tugged you back before you could find out. “I’m sorry,” He said, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulders. You felt the dampness of your cheeks and realized you were crying silently.

Cas turned slightly, staring at you and Dean. “Y/N, Dean… I’m sorry.” He faced the sigil without another word as it began to glow and wind began to whip around the room. The wall started to crumble away as a hole to Purgatory appeared in its wake. The three of you shielded your eyes as the souls began to be sucked back into Purgatory. Almost as soon as it began, it was over, and Cas collapsed.

You, Dean, and Bobby rushed to his fallen form. “Cas?” Dean asked, rolling him over. He was still and unmoving, and you didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that rolled down your cheeks.

Bobby pressed a hand to Cas’s neck. “He’s cold.”

“Is he breathing?” Dean asked, searching for any indication that the angel might still be alive. You stumbled back, away from Castiel’s still form, and wrapped your arms around yourself.

“No,” Bobby said.

Dean glanced at you. “Maybe angels don’t need to breath.”

“He’s gone, Dean,” Bobby said quietly. The two leaned back.

“Damn it,” The older Winchester said. “Cas, you child. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

Then, suddenly, like some sort of miracle, Castiel’s eyes flew open, his wounds healed, and he took in a deep breath. You launched yourself towards them. “Cas?” You and Dean asked in unison. “Hey, hey!” Dean said, he and Bobby helping Cas sit up.

“That was unpleasant,” Cas said, and your face broke out into a grin.

“Let’s get him up,” Dean said, and Bobby helped him hoist Cas to his feet.

“Easy there,” Bobby said.

Castiel looked down at himself in wonder. “I’m alive.”

“Looks like it,” The older hunter said, chuckling as you tackled Cas in a tight hug.

“Don’t ever do anything like that ever again!” You exclaimed.

“I won’t,” He said, hugging you in return. “I promise you, I won’t. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Good,” You murmured, squeezing him tighter. You relished the moment, because for once, it seemed you and the Winchesters had won and the old Cas had returned. And that was good enough for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story ends before the whole leviathan scene because then I'd just have to... keep going. And this was just supposed to be a mini-series, so obviously that can't happen.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed because trust me, it'll make my day!


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